It's really nice that I have plans to keep this to myself. While someone might happen upon it, they don't know me. My friends would generally not assume that I have one of these, so it's nice to have something private.
That being said, I think I'm more at ease today. I'm still freaking out about making decisions, but at least I'm more relaxed about it. I am freaking out a bit b/c if the situation doesn't get cleared out with *******, we could be looking at a difficult 10 or so years. I have faith that this will iron itself out, especially if I'm in such close proximity to *******. The whole situation just got blown out of proportion, but thank heavens I have my honey. My honey keeps me strong, keeps me going and believes in me. My sweetie is all I need, all that's important. Even if grad school sucks, I have my sweetie to know that I'm loved.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
First post
I'm beginning to freak out.
I've realized that any decision I make is one I'm making for two people. And yes I know that's what happens when you get married, but the reality of it is that it's coming up. I keep having dreams where I'm in love with someone else. No one in particular, but it's someone. I know I'm just freaking out, but there's certain levels to which I can handle it. I've been really calm when it comes to this. People even commented how calm I was and I knew that I'd start to freak out. I'll bet everyone goes through this, the problem is that it's unfamiliar territory to me. And I know how well I do with unfamiliar territory -- Not Well!
I know that things will turn out as they should, for I have faith in the universe. I also know that I really really want to get into the PhD program. I want them to accept me before I've taken the GRE or even applied. It would be so nice to get in, although really stupid too. I mean, I went to UCSD for undergrad and then moved to OC. To then go back to SD is amusing, to say the least. But I really hope that this is the direction that our lives go in.
I've realized that any decision I make is one I'm making for two people. And yes I know that's what happens when you get married, but the reality of it is that it's coming up. I keep having dreams where I'm in love with someone else. No one in particular, but it's someone. I know I'm just freaking out, but there's certain levels to which I can handle it. I've been really calm when it comes to this. People even commented how calm I was and I knew that I'd start to freak out. I'll bet everyone goes through this, the problem is that it's unfamiliar territory to me. And I know how well I do with unfamiliar territory -- Not Well!
I know that things will turn out as they should, for I have faith in the universe. I also know that I really really want to get into the PhD program. I want them to accept me before I've taken the GRE or even applied. It would be so nice to get in, although really stupid too. I mean, I went to UCSD for undergrad and then moved to OC. To then go back to SD is amusing, to say the least. But I really hope that this is the direction that our lives go in.
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