#MeToo

The #metoo campaign has been strong and powerful, but it's not really enough because it, yet again, puts the onus on the woman, which is completely and totally unacceptable, which speaks to this graphic:

While we'd like to see men sit there and say "I've done these horrible things and am trying to make amends by teaching others that my behavior is unacceptable and not doing them again," instead we get the bullshit "not all men" answer.

We also get crappy answers from supposed feminists like Mayim Bialik saying "I dress modestly. I don’t act flirtatiously with men as a policy." And then when she's called out for her offensive and ridiculous statements, she goes on to say "Anyone who knows me and my feminism knows that's absurd and not at all what this piece was about." It's not my job to know her. I can only take what she says at it's face value, which was a blaming accusation against women who dare to be themselves.

An artist named Arvida Byström posed as part of Adidas' most recent campaign where she posed alongside her natural body hair. She got rape threats from this campaign, which is, again, totally awful. But her response about it had one of the most eye-opening statements I think I've eve read. "I do think it is a problem that men use sexually violent language when women doesn’t abide." In case you didn't know, the definition of abide is to bear patiently, to endure without yielding. This is the greatest explanation of how I've been feeling. In this regard, men are not asking us to accept but to abide, to stand by while they feel better about themselves. And when we try to fight back, when we try to tell them the horrible things they've been doing, they whine and whimper that "not all men are like that" or that we're "offending" the "good guys" by lumping them together with the bad ones.

A friend of mine put it beautifully:

There are no good men. As long as we live in a world where any man at anytime can assault women and femmes and be believed, none of us can be "good ones."
As long as any man can be believed as part of the discrediting of women or femmes in their fight for sexual autonomy, none of us are "good."

I am generally an open book. Ask and ye shall receive. But with this campaign, I don't feel empowered. I feel vulnerable. Like by somehow outing myself with the rest of the strong, powerful, amazing women I've seen partake in this movement, I've lost something of myself. So I choose not to post. I choose to spectate and love my fellow women brave enough to stand up. And hopefully, by supporting them, I'll feel support too.

Consent

We talk about the fact that rape culture is taught to children at a young age and that it influences the rest of their lives. We tell our girls that they don't have the rights to their own bodies in incredible ways that we don't even notice.

The other day I had a horrifying experience that truly helped me realize how freaking screwed up this is.

Took my kiddo (MK) to the zoo with another mom friend (MF) and her two kids (FK1 and FK2) who are on either side of MK in age. FK1 wanted to hold MK's hand but MK wasn't having any of it. FK1 got slightly insistent (as insistent as you can get at 4 years old) but MK didn't let up. FK1 got upset and began crying to the point that MF had to pick up FK1 and give comfort. (FK2 wanted to hold hands too but is too young to get as upset)

MF explained to FK1 that MK didn't feel like holding hands and that it was okay, that MK still liked FK1 and it wasn't about FK1. FK1 calmed down and, eventually, everything went back to normal. Later on in the day they held hands as they went running about, dropping as they ran at times. No one was upset or hurt or confused.

In my head though, my brain was screaming at itself. I watched the scene and thought to myself, MK, why not just hold FK1's hand? What is it going to hurt? When FK1 got upset and started crying, I almost went over to MK and explained how upset FK1 was and that it would be nice to hold hands. But I did nothing. And I'm so fucking glad I did nothing.

This is how it starts.

Had I stepped in, I would have been teetering on a tense issue. I could have set a terrible precedent, that MK should give into others when they feel uncomfortable. I would have quietly taught MK that it is their job to please others, to go against what they want and how they feel.

By doing nothing, I told MK that MK's body is theirs. They don't owe anyone anything. By explaining to FK1 that MK doesn't have to do anything they don't want to, FK1 will learn that they need to wait until people are ready to do things and not to force someone to do something they're not comfortable with.

I have always told MK when going to people's houses or seeing family that they do not need to give hugs and kisses. However, they need to acknowledge people. The phrase I like to use is "you need to say hello/goodbye either with your hand or with your mouth." A wave is perfectly acceptable as is blowing kisses or simply saying a quick "hi." Acknowledgement is important, it teaches our children that all people are important and worth greeting.

Fortunately, I know I'm not alone in this attitude. There are plenty of other people who agree with this concept.

But the fact that I had this argument in my head makes me so angry.

As angry as I was at myself while watching Netflix's Jessica Jones. By the end of episode 8 (AKA WWJD?), I wanted them to work out. I wanted Kilgrave to be good and for her to make him good and for her to stay with him to make it happen. I wanted them to fall in love and live happily ever after, like it was a fucking fairy tale and they could ride off into the sunset. Watching the end of episode 13 (AKA Smile) where Kilgrave says "My God. It's finally over. You're mine now. No more fighting. No more of these ugly displays. You'll be with me now. Look, after a while...however long it takes...I know...I know you will feel what I feel." made my skin crawl, my entire body wanted to run away from my skin.

But that's rape culture for you. Women have been trained that they want so badly to please the man that their wants and desires and hopes go smashing out the window.

Remember

by age 6, girls are less likely than boys to think that they can be brilliant and by the time they are 15, they conform to social expectations, gender stereotypes, gender roles and lack of role models as they turn away from STEM fields. (An entire explanation can be provided here.)

Do I think lack of education on consent leads to a lack of women in Science? No, but rape culture extends further than we'd like. And perhaps by starting to accept our children's choices we can be sure that they accept others' opinions and choices in the future.

EDIT: As I posted this, the following dialog appeared: "European Union laws require you to give European Union visitors information about cookies used on your blog. In many cases, these laws also require you to obtain consent. 

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Blogger gets it.

To pre or not to pre?

We put kiddo into preschool this year, less than a month ago.

On the first day, neither Sweetie nor I got a great feeling from the teacher. Almost like she didn't approve of our situation. She also was very rude to Sweetie when discussing toilet training, simply telling Sweetie to put our kiddo on the toilet and let the kiddo sit there.

Strike 1-sorta

On the second day, Sweetie took kiddo to school and at pick up time, the teacher told Sweetie that kiddo went potty and so kiddo got an M&M. Not previously discussed with us.

Strike 1.5

On the third day, Sweetie was running late so didn't get to talk to the teacher about the M&M. At pick up, teacher sent kiddo home in underwear NOT provided by us and told Sweetie "not sure if your carseat is waterproof, but just go for it."

Also, since day 2, kiddo having nightmare.

Strike 2

Had a meeting with the assistant director about our frustrations, both with communication (SEVERE lack which hasn't even been mentioned here) and the teacher's incompetence. Kiddo moved to a new room where while kiddo goes 2 days a week, rest of kids go 5. Also discussed that calendar sent home had wrong dates on it, given new calendar to properly match website. (Later I had to call to inform them that dates were STILL wrong)

Kiddo in new classroom, no more nightmares.

Finally got proper communication with school (end of week letter sent home) and was met with lovely pictures of kiddo playing and looking like a fun time was being had. Checked website to see that a closed day was coming up, but it was not in the calendar sent home. Called. Confirmed that website is wrong.

ALSO found out that school pictures were taken, with NO notice being sent home to inform parents.

No communication about what is being taught/learned so we can reinforce at home, no communication about photos and wrong information on both the sent home calendar and the website calendar.

We're not being picky. We just want communication.

How effing hard is that???

Passive Aggressive - Inner monologue

Disclaimer: Yes, there is much more important things going on in the world right now. As I cannot intelligently express how I feel about them in ways others have not already done, I can focus on the negative aspects of my life in order to clear my head to be able to do some good in the world. Because if I focus on this too much, I can't do anything else today.

Passive aggressive is such a necessary enemy, at times.

Hence this post.

Which is commenting on passive aggressive behavior.

Most likely the person this is about won't read this. And that's most likely good.

In any case,

Srsly though? Don't comment about what other people do on social media by acting like a self-righteous, high-and-mighty asshole. Social Media is a giant force you cannot stop. It's how tons of people get their news and by spreading around important information, perhaps some people will realize what's going on. And if not, that's fine too.

Your comments were not nice and not in good faith of friendship. They were terribly rude, as it's incredibly obvious you were talking about Sweetie, who is more than willing to look past your intense obnoxiousness. I'm not.

And it makes me kinda loathe you.

And you're already on thin ice in my book right now.

Not that you actually care.

But it makes me feel better to think that you should care, because I've known you for 10 years. And if you're grating on me this much, without actually knowing it, maybe it's time we part paths and go our separate ways.

Although it's not like we see each other more than once per year, and sometimes not even that. Nor do we talk. And when I try, either by contacting you or your SO, I get ignored. Like earlier this week, when I emailed your SO and wrote the line "but if you don't want to see us, then nevermind." And I never heard back.

So I guess you don't want to see us.

Maybe I should take the hint.

Okay, that's good.

Hint taken.

Gotcha.

Done.

Sigh.

::Goes about her day and does nothing about what's written above::

Letter To Congressman Royce

As I said, I'd post what I'm writing to the Congressman. You can read it below. I think it will be interesting to see how old the Congressman thinks I am. My writing style is very young (notice the circles over the i's), but what I talk about it older than I am.

I'll be honest, I went on a tangent, but I'm okay with that. :)

Media Bias

I have always thought of myself as being Liberal, but fair. I have always assumed that the media, while slightly biased, was not getting everything wrong.

I'm beginning to see how naive I was.

This was posted to Jezebel. Yes, the situation that the video shows is horrendous. It is appalling, and it goes against everything the group stands for. Their byline is "Not Racists - Not Violent - Just No Longer Silent." They were indeed not silent nor violent then, but they threw incredibly racist and demeaning epithets to those entering a peaceful building.

This video was obviously meant to showcase how evil the Tea Party is and how they need to, oh I don't know, how should I put this, meet those Marines that Villa Park Councilwoman Deborah Pauly speaks of?

While watching this video, my face turned ghost white, because Ed Royce is MY Congressman. I sat back, appalled that I was watching this. The man who represents MY area (and believe it or not, the man I voted for because I did not agree with the Democratic representative) was condoning such slander and such hate.

I almost threw up.

At that moment, this guy I know walked into where I was and asked what was wrong. I was able to explain the situation and we were able to have a meaningful, interesting conversation about the situation, once we had all the facts.

And the facts are these:

• The Islamic Circle of North America had two speakers on February 13th, Imam Siraj Wahhaj and Br. Amir Abdel Malik.
• Ed Royce and Deborah Pauly and Gary Miller spoke about terrorism.
• Protesters descended on the event as people were walking into the center.
  

Ed Royce has issued this statement. Neither of the other two government representatives have.

CAIR Los Angeles issued the video to serve their purposes.

And the video was picked up.

All

Over

The

Country

What happens when small town news becomes national headlines? The facts get lost and the people get attacked. Yes, the protesters screamed hateful and vile things, but that does not mean that they are representative of the groups hosting the protest. As Royce mentions, he and his fellow speakers were at a park adjacent to the community center.

As you can tell from the video, the protesters are there when the attendees are entering and you can see how light it is outside. You can see more of that light when the Congressmen and the Councilwoman are speaking. You can also see that behind the speakers, there is a plethora of flags and the protesters seem to also have a plethora of flags. I can hardly imagine that there were that many flags brought to the event.

That being said, I could be totally wrong. I could be totally wrong in assuming that the three speakers had no knowledge of the protest until it hit the internet. I could be totally wrong in assuming that they were not supportive of the situation.

I hope I am not wrong.

We may not see eye-to-eye with everyone present, but I think that we understand that fringes on both sides of the aisle tend to muck up things for others. And to quote this guy I know:

Granted, there are many hateful people out there, on both sides, but this may not be as clear cut as "peace-loving, women-helping, homeless-feeding Muslims attacked by racist, sexist, xenophobic, Islamophobic, Tea Party Christians just for being Muslim." Then again, this particular group might contain just some of those people.

And the other thing that has not really been mentioned by anyone is the other groups who supposedly were a part of this whole thing. The focus has been solely on the hatred and the fact that it was the Tea Partiers who perpetrated it. The others involved were Rabbi David Eliezrie of Chabad — Yorba Linda, North Orange County Conservative Coalition, and ACT! for America. From everything I've read and posted here, it would seem like it was fringes of each of these groups, including the Tea Party/Glenn Beck's We Surround Them 912. And fringe members are incredibly hard to control, as I'm sure all of us are aware.

And yes, the fact that a Rabbi has been implicated in this mess is beyond embarrassing.

I plan to write a hand written letter to Ed Royce asking for an explanation of the situation. I want to know if he knew about the protest, wanted to participate in it and couldn't or had no knowledge of the situation. From what I've read, there were hundreds of people at the protest, but the video showed there to only be around 50 who were yelling epithets.

So keep tuned here. I promise to update with my letter and with a response, if I get one, from Congressman Royce.

A quarter of a century

Yesterday I turned 25.

It was a really nice day. Work was busy and I was constantly being interrupted by the 50+ text messages from people on facebook wishing me a happy birthday, which was amazing. It's incredible that so many people form all walks of life come together on facebook to join in on your birthday and wish you many happy returns. Even people I haven't seen in over 15 years were wishing me happy birthday, which is quite amazing since I last saw them in 5th grade.

I went out to dinner with Sweetie on Sunday and then Sweetie and I went out with my parents and my sister yesterday (to seriously one of the most amazing restaurants I've been to).

It amazes me that there can be so much love in my small part of the world and yet so much hate in the rest of it.

In the last few weeks, there have been far too many reports of teens taking their lives because of being bullied due to their sexual orientation. Since September 28th, 21 year old Jeanine Blanchette and 17 year old Chantal Dube from Canada; 17 year old Felix Sacco from Saugus, MA; 15 year old Harrison Chase Brown from Rand, CO; Caleb Nolt from Fort Wayne, IN; 19 year old Raymond Chase from Monticello, NY; Asher Brown from Texas; 19 year old Tyler Clementi from Rutgers University; Seth Walsh from Tehachapi, CA; and 8th grade Asher Brown from Texas have all taken their own lives due to this tragic situation.

These poor people, who did not live to be my age, had lives that were filled with hate and with anger from people who reinforced the ideals that different is wrong and that tolerance and acceptance are wrong ways of living. They were pushed and hurt to the point that nothing anyone could do seemed to be a way out, so they found their own. The schools didn't step in to stop the bullying, the parents of the students doing the bullying seem to have said "well, kids will be kids" (Kathy Griffin's words) and the bullies themselves seem to think that this is okay.

That is one thing I don't think I'll ever understand. Why bullying someone is okay. Why beating someone up is okay. Why ANY of this is okay, in ANYONE'S understanding of the world.

Why is it okay to hurt someone because they are not like you?

I suppose this would explain my confusion to racism, sexism, ageism, bigotry and xenophobia.

Back to my birthday.

Last night, Margaret Cho was on dancing with the stars and she brought this subject to light for millions of people who may not have otherwise known about it. See her dance and at around 5:50 hear her plea to end this abomination.

I don't know that I would have used the words that Sarah Silverman did, but it's hard to disagree with her. Children do not create intolerance within themselves. It is a learned behavior, one that gets passed down from parent to child.

Just as we are angry in America with hatred and violence being perpetrated in other countries against us by people who are taught from the time they could walk that Americans are evil and infidels, so to should we be angry at the perpetrators of hatred in this country.

For those who spew vile and hateful things, your time to have the airways is slowing down. How anyone could kiss their children good-night with a mouth that spews arrogance and hatred, bigotry and lies, intolerance and hegemonic statements boggles my mind.

And yes, to COMPLETELY generalize, those who tend to make those statements tend to make them with a religiously backed protocol.

There's only one problem with this (and I know I'm preaching to the choir with the readers I have, but bear with me):

JESUS
PREACHED
LOVE

Remember "turn the other cheek" and "love the sinner, hate the sin"? What do you have to say to that Fred Phelps? What do you have to say to that Uganda? What do you say to that Steven L. Anderson? How about you Pepsi?

According to the Beatles, Love is All You Need. It's such a shame that no one seemed to listen.

How much are you really saving?

From a yahoo health site, here’s exactly how expensive it really is whenever you go for the “bargain”:

• 7-Eleven: Gulp to Double Gulp Coca-Cola Classic: 37 cents extra buys 450 more calories.
• Cinnabon: Minibon to Classic Cinnabon: 48 more cents buys 370 more calories.
• Movie theater: Small to medium unbuttered popcorn: 71 additional cents buys you 500 more calories.
• Convenience store: Regular to “The Big One” Snickers: 33 more cents packs on 230 more calories.
• McDonald’s: Quarter Pounder with Cheese to Medium Quarter Pounder with Cheese Extra Value Meal: An additional $1.41 gets you 660 more calories.
• Subway: 6-inch to 12-inch Tuna Sub: $1.53 more buys 420 more calories.
• Wendy’s: Classic Double with Cheese to Classic Double with Cheese Old Fashioned Combo Meal: $1.57 extra buys you 600 more calories.
• Baskin Robbins: Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, Kids’ Scoop, to Double Scoop: For another $1.62, you’ve added 390 calories.

The bottom line on all this? For just a hair more than 8 bucks, you’ve bought yourself an additional 3,620 calories. If you ate each of these once a week, and you were to switch to the smaller size each time—again, still all your favorite foods, just in a more reasonable size—you’d save about $417 a year. It’s not going to buy you a new car, but it could put you on a plane to the Bahamas. But far more important than that is what it will mean to your waistline, because in saving that $417, you’ll also save 188,240 calories in a year—enough to shave a whopping 54 pounds of flab off your body! (Hey, take the 400 bucks and buy some new pants!)

I just figured people might like to know. Holy crap!

Seriously? Boobs are for feeding babies?

Man, people are certainly dumb!

I just read a post on fbomb and am completely amazed and disgusted to what I've now been opened up to.

Here's the post.

I think the question posited is a good one. Would my life be easier without boobs? And I think the answer is yes and no. My breasts are such a part of who I am. I cannot imagine myself without them for the same reason I don't straighten my hair. I am a bigger person - I have a big personality, big curly hair, big loud mouth, big boobs, etc. I don't straighten my hair because everything else would be strange and awkward. I don't think about lessening my breasts for the same reason. My breasts also fit my body type as I am an hourglass figure.

But at the same time. My breasts are an inconvenience. They are a bit large on my frame and so they look enormous. They make it so I have to purchase clothing that fits them, but not my waist. They are not comfortable touching my skin and I must always wear a bra. My back hurts, my shoulders hurt and sometimes, I just want to cut them off.

But to be sure, I know the reason for them. (Note: entering a rant) Which is why the conversation of a reduction is so far beyond my years. At 24 years old, I have had no children. I tend to get "suggestions" from those who have "been there" telling me that it was the "best thing they ever did" and I should "definitely consider doing it sooner rather than later." Much like the whole when-are-you-going-to-have-a-baby bullshit, this is no one's business but my own. And while I appreciate the advice from my elders, I have to make the decision. No amount of "here do this" is going to sway me, and if those people knew me at all, they would know to stop. (Note: end of rant)

Anyways, back to the topic at hand. For women to not know the purpose of their own breasts is appalling. And while it was an online forum and people tend to troll and screw around, I can't help but wonder if in fact people are really that stupid. To read that a female posted the response of "Um, what do you mean ‘feed babies’? That’s not what boobs are for! That’s what formula is for! Boobs arn’t utters! they are for boys to look and play with!" makes me want to scream and crawl into a hole. How can we expect to raise proper children (or decent ones at best I suppose) when these are the sorts of people who vote, process your credit card payments and help you at the bank? I don't understand the stupidity of it all!

It takes me back to a time in college where a friend of mine told me of a discussion she had with her boyfriend at the time about her period. She was mentioning how it was very light and they got concerned. He told her not to worry and to let him know what happened "the next time she peed." He honestly thought that menstrual blood came out of the urethra and exited the body upon urination.

ICK

I hate people

I mean really

Come on

I'm for people making their own decisions

But SERIOUSLY?!

Disgusting

Have a doula in the room

Dear New Jersey,

You suck. This is disgusting.

Sincerely,

The world.

OMG

I'm a salt lover, but this is ridiculous.

Because turning off the TV causes people to talk

Horse hockey and buffalo chips.

I love this post.

Because you turn of the TV, you're going to talk to your kids? Yeah right. Most people will say, let's go on a walk, or, why don't you read a book. Is there any more talking there? No.

And I'm sorry, but kids do not spend 900 hours a year in school.
7 hours a day (in high school, we went from 7:40 am to 2:40 pm [8 hours], elementary school was 9 am to 3 pm [6 hours], in middle school it was 8:30 am to 3:30 pm [7 hours]) times 5 days a week is 35 hours. 35 hours a week times 4 weeks in a month is 140 hours a month. Multiplied by the 9 months of the year kids are in school (September, October, November, December, January, February, March, April, May, part of June to be left off), that equates to 1,260 hours in school. Who goes to school for 900 hours a year? That's the equivalent of 22 1/2 weeks/5.6 months at 8 hours a day, 25 weeks/6.25 months at 7 hours a day and 30 weeks/7.5 months at 6 hours a day! Really? Really?

No one needs to have the TV on while eating dinner, unless you are like Sweetie and I who talk four to five times during the day and have nothing else to say to each other. Especially if you have kids (which Sweetie and I don't)!

Oh man, what is this country coming to?

The dark side of Dubai

What an amazing article. The comments are what you'd expect, but the article is amazing, depressing and humanizing.

Me & AT&T

It's a terrible relationship, but it's well captured in this comic.



Thanx Krystal!

Cannot Believe It

I get Cosmo. Yes, I know it's terrible, extremely trashy and slightly un-feminist. However, I still love it.

There is an article in June 2008's issue that encourages women to spy on their mate, from poking through his DVR (not to terrible) to going through his bills to see what he needs to pay. Also, they suggest going through his gym bag to see if he's been, if he carries condoms, if it smells like woman's perfume, etc. They recommend going through a man's laundry basket to see what's in there: any incriminating stains on clothes or sheets, women's clothing, etc.

I cannot believe it. Has our world sunk to a new level of disgusting that we no longer trust our mates? Maybe this is for people in new relationships, but I cannot imagine rummaging through my sweetie's stuff, even if we didn't live together. How would that look on me? And what if I got caught? How stupid would I look!? The article really should have been called "how to ruin relationships quickly."

Completely flabbergasted. I think I'll actually write to Cosmo!