Floundering

There are times I feel like I have it under control. That I can manage whatever comes next.

This is not one of those times.

I feel like I'm floundering. Like I'm drowning. I can't keep my footing and everything is falling apart.

Let's start at the beginning.

Let's not really discuss the toddler in the room, the traitor in the white house. 1-because I don't want to and 2-because we understand it's the kicking off point. It starts the depression, the anxiety, the fear. But more than that fuels it.

It's work. It's home. It's my sweetie. It's my kiddo. It's me. It's everything.

I don't feel like I'm progressing at work. I feel stagnant, stuck in a job that holds no way to move up. Which makes no sense in my family-owned, family-run company when it's MY family. But it doesn't feel like they want me to move up, like they feel I can. And maybe it's just that I haven't shown that I want to. But when I'm told, over and over and over again, that I'm not ready to project manage, that I don't have the IH experience to be able to do it on my own, I get discouraged. And I know they've told others in the past who couldn't handle it the same thing, so now I'm wondering what the hell I'm doing here if they don't think I can handle it. One coworker who is one year older than me (but with more experience, I concede that fact) has already moved herself into a managerial position, and here I am back in the dust.

Not to mention that two people who in my opinion don't deserve to be vice presidents just got promoted to vice president. What the hell is a point of a vice president unless it's a fucking sorority? Our company isn't big enough to allow this sort of crap.

And talking about this at home is difficult, because my feelings get intensified by someone who loves me to my core and back again. Sweetie wants the best for me, but there are times they get more heated than I do. And then it starts me off on a tangent I can't stomach, where they tell me that the company doesn't believe in me and doesn't have a future at all, which is certainly one way of looking at it. But are my above feelings reflective of their suggestions or do I really feel this way?

And home is hard. It's hard. This time of year is harder because of Halloween. And it's all been made harder for the kiddo because the 2 kids on our street moved--1 each year. We haven't even seen the last kid who moved whose mom kept insisting we'd see them more often. And when I try to reach out, to say my kid is hurting, can you help me, I get back "well my kid is soooooo busy," which basically is a fuck off. And it hurts. And it's painful. And it affects my fucking kid. How dare you affect my kid so deeply and not even give a shit about it? The fact that I haven't ripped her a new one for not giving a rat's ass is amazing to me.

Not to mention the fact that kiddo feels so sad every day because they don't get to see their "sister" (kid from school last year who was the only other only child in the class) as often. The little girl ends up at kiddo's school at the end of the day, but kiddo has only seen her twice. And thus it becomes a daily conversation of how much kiddo misses "my sister." It's gut wrenching, because this little girl seemed to take glee and joy in hurting my kiddo, not wanting to say hi, not wanting to play, etc. but yet my kiddo misses this child so much.

And that seems to be a theme. My kiddo missing others. And it makes me wonder if any of them have any care or concern for my kid. Do they miss my kid? Do they care about my kid? Does anyone ever give a shit about anything?

And that pushes into new territory. Sweetie and I want to homeschool our kiddo. Public school is far too scary these days to send kiddo there. Between school shootings, sexual harassment, and poor instruction, we feel like things are better off with us. We'll do the charter school thing, where kiddo goes 1-2 days per week to a school, has a park day with tons of kids and is involved in a crapton of other activities. But this also plays back into that missing others aspect. Will my kiddo feel they are missing out? I honestly, completely and totally don't know. But it gives me more anxiety than I care to be honest about.

But back to home. Sweetie feels unmotivated and can't find motivation, which I cannot understand for anything simply because you do shit that needs to be done. I cannot comprehend not doing the laundry because you can't find motivation. Needing clothing to wear should be enough. Trying to have a clean house should be enough. And when I ask for help, I don't get it. Sweetie says they'll help out more, but when I ask for specific things, I have to ask multiple times and it still doesn't get done. So when I ask again, Sweetie gets mad that I've asked and now I'm in more of a pickle than before. And it's not fair, but I don't know how to fix it.

I'm floundering. I'm drowning. And I see no end in sight.

I just got rid of the hormonal birth control and so now I can see all of this. I couldn't before, as I was in a fog. But I see it all now. And I don't know how to fix it.

Drifting

This past year has thrown so much at us. Where to even begin?

The fall out after the election and the disgusting nature of that idiot in charge. His abandonment of intelligent ideas, his fleshing out of stupidity, and his ability to corral the worst in our society. It takes a toll on your soul.

We lose friends. They move, they distance themselves for whatever reason. We hurt, we cry, it takes its toll on our souls.

We try to connect, to build something where there is nothing. We don't try hard, because we know it's fleeting.

When we do try, they leave, they move, and at least our saving grace is we didn't get close.

But how does a child live through this? Through the abandonment of friends, through the death of family, through the movement of life? I recall as a child where my family lost 22 people in 20 months. How did we survive? How many did I truly know? I'm no worse for the wear, but my sister was. Because she was younger, because she went, she witnessed the sadness, the toll it took on others, and lived through the toll on her soul.

How do we persist?

Through climate issues, garbage issues, issues that feel so existential that you don't understand how to write about them?

Through the capitalist greed, through the money motivation, and through the feeling that you're not good enough if you're not worth enough.

How do we survive?

The children (yes they are still children) of Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High School give us hope. To see the future, to know the change is coming, to know that we have raised some of these kids right.

But how to find hope, to find camaraderie? How to find that small niche of a person who fits your family like a glove? To understand and truly know you?

Instead we drift in space. Our souls are in orbit, colliding with each other, but not staying long enough to even exchange pleasantries. We smile, we nod, but we don't connect.

How to live?

How?

To pre or not to pre?

We put kiddo into preschool this year, less than a month ago.

On the first day, neither Sweetie nor I got a great feeling from the teacher. Almost like she didn't approve of our situation. She also was very rude to Sweetie when discussing toilet training, simply telling Sweetie to put our kiddo on the toilet and let the kiddo sit there.

Strike 1-sorta

On the second day, Sweetie took kiddo to school and at pick up time, the teacher told Sweetie that kiddo went potty and so kiddo got an M&M. Not previously discussed with us.

Strike 1.5

On the third day, Sweetie was running late so didn't get to talk to the teacher about the M&M. At pick up, teacher sent kiddo home in underwear NOT provided by us and told Sweetie "not sure if your carseat is waterproof, but just go for it."

Also, since day 2, kiddo having nightmare.

Strike 2

Had a meeting with the assistant director about our frustrations, both with communication (SEVERE lack which hasn't even been mentioned here) and the teacher's incompetence. Kiddo moved to a new room where while kiddo goes 2 days a week, rest of kids go 5. Also discussed that calendar sent home had wrong dates on it, given new calendar to properly match website. (Later I had to call to inform them that dates were STILL wrong)

Kiddo in new classroom, no more nightmares.

Finally got proper communication with school (end of week letter sent home) and was met with lovely pictures of kiddo playing and looking like a fun time was being had. Checked website to see that a closed day was coming up, but it was not in the calendar sent home. Called. Confirmed that website is wrong.

ALSO found out that school pictures were taken, with NO notice being sent home to inform parents.

No communication about what is being taught/learned so we can reinforce at home, no communication about photos and wrong information on both the sent home calendar and the website calendar.

We're not being picky. We just want communication.

How effing hard is that???

I Wish I Had Seen This When I Was 12

Passive Aggressive - Inner monologue

Disclaimer: Yes, there is much more important things going on in the world right now. As I cannot intelligently express how I feel about them in ways others have not already done, I can focus on the negative aspects of my life in order to clear my head to be able to do some good in the world. Because if I focus on this too much, I can't do anything else today.

Passive aggressive is such a necessary enemy, at times.

Hence this post.

Which is commenting on passive aggressive behavior.

Most likely the person this is about won't read this. And that's most likely good.

In any case,

Srsly though? Don't comment about what other people do on social media by acting like a self-righteous, high-and-mighty asshole. Social Media is a giant force you cannot stop. It's how tons of people get their news and by spreading around important information, perhaps some people will realize what's going on. And if not, that's fine too.

Your comments were not nice and not in good faith of friendship. They were terribly rude, as it's incredibly obvious you were talking about Sweetie, who is more than willing to look past your intense obnoxiousness. I'm not.

And it makes me kinda loathe you.

And you're already on thin ice in my book right now.

Not that you actually care.

But it makes me feel better to think that you should care, because I've known you for 10 years. And if you're grating on me this much, without actually knowing it, maybe it's time we part paths and go our separate ways.

Although it's not like we see each other more than once per year, and sometimes not even that. Nor do we talk. And when I try, either by contacting you or your SO, I get ignored. Like earlier this week, when I emailed your SO and wrote the line "but if you don't want to see us, then nevermind." And I never heard back.

So I guess you don't want to see us.

Maybe I should take the hint.

Okay, that's good.

Hint taken.

Gotcha.

Done.

Sigh.

::Goes about her day and does nothing about what's written above::

Letter To Congressman Royce

As I said, I'd post what I'm writing to the Congressman. You can read it below. I think it will be interesting to see how old the Congressman thinks I am. My writing style is very young (notice the circles over the i's), but what I talk about it older than I am.

I'll be honest, I went on a tangent, but I'm okay with that. :)

Media Bias

I have always thought of myself as being Liberal, but fair. I have always assumed that the media, while slightly biased, was not getting everything wrong.

I'm beginning to see how naive I was.

This was posted to Jezebel. Yes, the situation that the video shows is horrendous. It is appalling, and it goes against everything the group stands for. Their byline is "Not Racists - Not Violent - Just No Longer Silent." They were indeed not silent nor violent then, but they threw incredibly racist and demeaning epithets to those entering a peaceful building.

This video was obviously meant to showcase how evil the Tea Party is and how they need to, oh I don't know, how should I put this, meet those Marines that Villa Park Councilwoman Deborah Pauly speaks of?

While watching this video, my face turned ghost white, because Ed Royce is MY Congressman. I sat back, appalled that I was watching this. The man who represents MY area (and believe it or not, the man I voted for because I did not agree with the Democratic representative) was condoning such slander and such hate.

I almost threw up.

At that moment, this guy I know walked into where I was and asked what was wrong. I was able to explain the situation and we were able to have a meaningful, interesting conversation about the situation, once we had all the facts.

And the facts are these:

• The Islamic Circle of North America had two speakers on February 13th, Imam Siraj Wahhaj and Br. Amir Abdel Malik.
• Ed Royce and Deborah Pauly and Gary Miller spoke about terrorism.
• Protesters descended on the event as people were walking into the center.
  

Ed Royce has issued this statement. Neither of the other two government representatives have.

CAIR Los Angeles issued the video to serve their purposes.

And the video was picked up.

All

Over

The

Country

What happens when small town news becomes national headlines? The facts get lost and the people get attacked. Yes, the protesters screamed hateful and vile things, but that does not mean that they are representative of the groups hosting the protest. As Royce mentions, he and his fellow speakers were at a park adjacent to the community center.

As you can tell from the video, the protesters are there when the attendees are entering and you can see how light it is outside. You can see more of that light when the Congressmen and the Councilwoman are speaking. You can also see that behind the speakers, there is a plethora of flags and the protesters seem to also have a plethora of flags. I can hardly imagine that there were that many flags brought to the event.

That being said, I could be totally wrong. I could be totally wrong in assuming that the three speakers had no knowledge of the protest until it hit the internet. I could be totally wrong in assuming that they were not supportive of the situation.

I hope I am not wrong.

We may not see eye-to-eye with everyone present, but I think that we understand that fringes on both sides of the aisle tend to muck up things for others. And to quote this guy I know:

Granted, there are many hateful people out there, on both sides, but this may not be as clear cut as "peace-loving, women-helping, homeless-feeding Muslims attacked by racist, sexist, xenophobic, Islamophobic, Tea Party Christians just for being Muslim." Then again, this particular group might contain just some of those people.

And the other thing that has not really been mentioned by anyone is the other groups who supposedly were a part of this whole thing. The focus has been solely on the hatred and the fact that it was the Tea Partiers who perpetrated it. The others involved were Rabbi David Eliezrie of Chabad — Yorba Linda, North Orange County Conservative Coalition, and ACT! for America. From everything I've read and posted here, it would seem like it was fringes of each of these groups, including the Tea Party/Glenn Beck's We Surround Them 912. And fringe members are incredibly hard to control, as I'm sure all of us are aware.

And yes, the fact that a Rabbi has been implicated in this mess is beyond embarrassing.

I plan to write a hand written letter to Ed Royce asking for an explanation of the situation. I want to know if he knew about the protest, wanted to participate in it and couldn't or had no knowledge of the situation. From what I've read, there were hundreds of people at the protest, but the video showed there to only be around 50 who were yelling epithets.

So keep tuned here. I promise to update with my letter and with a response, if I get one, from Congressman Royce.

2011 - A new year, a good year

2010 sucked.

Okay, wait, let's be honest here, it blew massive chunks.

That's why 2011 HAS to be good. I mean, the good deity up in the sky wouldn't punish us for two years in a row, right?

To sum up 2011, a lot of people died (and yes, I'm including my Father-in-Law and Grandmother from 2009, but who's really counting?). And we're still grieving for their losses. Some we will never fully recover from, but their lives allow us to reexamine our own and see what we need to learn.

For me, the main thing I needed to learn was budgeting. I mean, really budgeting.

I'm already a saver. A lot of people I know call me cheap, but I'm just really interested in deals. If I get a great deal (i.e. $300 worth of clothes for a baby shower for under $60), trust me, I make phone calls and inform the world.

But I'm also starting to notice how bad my spending habits are. I freak out if Sweetie or I spend full price for clothing, but will buy crap that I "might need" at the grocery store cuz it's on clearance. Case in point, I bought cinnamon chips to go with chocolate chips in cookies. Mind you, I never EVER bake. I really suck at it. And I hate it. But, they were new and cool and I decided I had to have them. Well, buying them led me to realize I didn't have enough brown sugar or chocolate chips to adequately make them. So Sweetie ran to the store to buy me some more. In essence, my under $2 good idea for something fun turned into $10 of food that I really didn't need to be eating (as I'm trying to eat healthier this year).

I know I need to break myself of the habit, but it's hard. I really will buy a $15 item for $5 even if I don't need it! And then I'll call my mom or my grandma and tell in detail about the great deal I got.

The other part that's made it really hard is that at work, I eat before I go on lunch. Which means on my lunch break, I have nothing to do. So what better to do than shop, right? I used to work across the street from the mall and I'd walk there every day. It was good exercise and I didn't always buy something, but I knew when all the sales were and would wait for things to go on clearance before I'd buy them. I tried on clothes I didn't need just for the fun of it and got ridiculous prices on baby clothes when Carter's had sales (and I had coupons) for the myriads of people I knew having babies.

So now, I have no idea when the sales are and if you can believe it, my wardrobe has actually suffered.

But the point is, in this day and age, you need to know how to budget, or else you'll never save any money. Which is how people have no ability to retire, go on vacation, etc. anymore. People were never taught to save. From the second I knew what money was, my parents insisted that it go in the bank. I don't know how to use checks that people lovingly bestow upon me for my birthday. They go in the bank.

So my goals (cuz I don't make resolutions) for 2011 are as such:

SAVE MONEY
Stop buying things I don't need
Buy things I do need and try not to hemorrhage at the price of things
Eat healthier
Exercise more often
SAVE MONEY

If I put it at the beginning and at the end, I feel like I'll do it all year.

What are your goals for 2011?

Incredibly interesting article

Let's discuss it shall we?

http://www.nationaljournal.com/njmagazine/st_20100501_5904.php?mrefid=site_search

The goings on

I realized that while this is my space for social enragements, it's also my place to vent.

And it's about damn time I do.

The past few months (since I last posted about my life in December of last year) have been hard. Damn hard. So hard that I have almost cried daily. And yes, it has to do with a lot of things.

The straw that broke the camel's back was today when I realized....wait, I need to back up.

After all the deaths around the week of Thanksgiving, we tried to get back on track. We tried really hard. But the holidays were really tough. Mostly for my Sweetie, whose Hannukah was incredibly depressing and sad because my father-in-law and gone to great lengths to purchase gifts for everyone that meant something to them. My mother-in-law had a very hard time with this as well. It was hard for my dad as well, the first Hannukah without his mom.

But January rolled around and we got back to normal things. Well, at least normal for us. And that meant, house hunting, again. We'd been at this for over a year in January and it had gotten tough. There were really dilapidated houses, just really disgusting types of places that you wouldn't want to set a toe in. Some were nice, but we were always outbid.

Finally, Sweetie and I just decided that we'd had enough of it and went to Las Vegas over the weekend of March 13. We'd had a good day and checked into our hotel, the Tropicana. Not too shabby, especially since it was really cheap. But when the fire alarm went off, we were sunk. We couldn't call the front desk, for whatever reason. So we grabbed all our stuff and checked out. They gave us our money back, but we were homeless at this point. Sweetie, being a travel agent, remembered there being a rate of $159 at the Bellagio (a 5 star resort), so we jumped in the car and ran over there. After making a few calls, we got the room at that rate. Sweetie wanted to go see the room whereas I wanted to run out as we were meeting my dad (who happened to be in Vegas for a bowling tournament) for dinner. I lost the quick argument and up to the room we went. I realized on the way down to the car that I had a message. I called back and as we were standing in the Bellagio hotel, running to our car, found out that we had finally, after 15 months of looking and being heartbroken half of the time, gotten a house. We laughed, we cried and we ran off to dinner.

We figured everything was going swimmingly when all hell broke loose. Since we're buying a short sale house, the bank had to release a lien on the house. But we didn't know that. We were informed 2 weeks before escrow was scheduled to close that escrow wouldn't close on time if they couldn't get this paper. We got angry and upset, but realized there was nothing we could do about it.

Four days after escrow was supposed to close, the bank released the lien on the house. We were elated, jumping up and down for joy. Then, another snag. Our paperwork clearly stated that they needed to be out of the home before escrow closed. But the selling agent decided that paperwork and legal documents mean nothing and stated that they were not going to close escrow with the people out, that they would be living there when we closed escrow. This caused much consternation because if they damaged things on their way out or took things they weren't supposed to, such as ceiling fans or appliances, we were stuck with it. It got to the point that the selling agent literally gave us a deadline to comply with what she wanted or she was canceling the escrow. And all this took place 3 days before escrow was set to close.

We went through hell and back with this situation. Everything is now cleared up as best it can be (our realtor will be there when they move out to make sure that everything is out and chill), but we still have a lot of work to do on the home. We need to redo the master bathroom before we move in and the house has to be rewired. We're also putting in a slider in the back yard and taking out a door in the master bedroom. We'll also be painting rooms and probably dealing with floors as well.

And that's only the first wave. Next wave is far more complicated and I'm sure we'll post photos online so everyone can see the before and after work that we did.

Thanks to everyone who kept pulling for us, putting us in their thoughts and hopes. We really appreciate all of it. It means so much to us that people care so much for us.

Much love.

Think and Fight for It All

I love my Sweetie. I really do. And I want to preface this by saying I don't think my Sweetie is dumb, unintelligent or offensive. I think my Sweetie is an amazing support system, an incredible and passionate fighter for things that need to be fought for, a wonderful listener and a fantastic best friend and lover.

I just get sad sometimes because my Sweetie doesn't realize there are still obvious things to fight for and against. Things to argue over. Things to persuade others against or for. Things that challenge the normative way of thinking. And all this stems from the Academy Awards from the other night.

Sweetie and I watched and really enjoyed them. We thought that the way they showed things were innovative and kept things interesting from the boring show they've been. We had just been to the movies on Friday to see Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland (fantastic by the way) and had discussed many of the visual effects from this and many other movies (including Avatar which neither of us wants to see). Sweetie mentioned that Tim Burton has made a deal with Disney to do an Alice-like Sleeping Beauty. And we were just generally talking movies throughout the show.

After they were over, I commented on how beautiful Gabourey Sidibe looked. And how gorgeous and confident she looked at the Oscars. Not yet having the privilege of seeing Precious yet, I am drawn to her for the simple fact that I think she is simply amazing just being her. I think she encourages women to be themselves, to not listen to those who say that "thin is in" or some other stupidity. I think she shows people that you can be gorgeous and amazing and all you need is some sass and confidence.

I mentioned to Sweetie how young Gabourey is and how amazing it is that she has so many opportunities open to her when Sweetie said "well, I hate to say it, but, to be honest, unless there's an original story, there are not a lot of roles she can play."

I stopped in my tracks, very surprised to hear that. I turned and asked why. Sweetie replied that roles for many stories have already had character designs written into them (whether they are already movies, books or video games). Sweetie regrettably told me that it would be hard for Gabourey to find work.

I then looked at Sweetie and in the nicest way I could (as I was rather upset at this point) asked why Gabourey couldn't play one of the fairy godmothers in a potential Tim Burton Sleeping Beauty. "No one said," I retorted, "that they had to be skinny little white women."

Sweetie pondered this and agreed.

I just wish that things weren't so simple to people. As I said, I love my Sweetie. But Sweetie is white and thin. Sweetie doesn't always try to fight against the norm because my Sweetie is the norm.

I used to think of myself as a larger woman. Okay, that's a lie. I used to assume myself to be a huge woman. And then, I found many sites for plus sized women and felt like I had found a sisterhood. Until I realized I just didn't fit in. When they posted information for a plus sized modeling contest and the smallest size listed to circle was a 14, I knew that I did not belong with these women.

It shouldn't have mattered. But it did. It mattered that I didn't belong. I could not share in their sisterhood, in their love of themselves and their promotion of themselves as amazing women. I was, based upon their terms, average.

And no one ever came right out and said this to me. I felt it. It pervaded out of their message boards and their blog posts. I felt weird; "too short to be quarterback, too plain to be queen." I didn't fit. And it sucked. I could not help their cause because I didn't belong. And that's not the only place I have ever felt that.

To feel like the outsider when all you plan to do is help, or march or whatever is awful. To tell me that simply because I am white, therefore I don't understand, is wrong. To show me that we are not the same, that you've had it harder, that I was lucky because I had a fabulous childhood/good grades/good friends/accepting parents only makes the fight for equality harder. And I don't understand why we can't just all fight for the same thing, for equal rights under the laws.

I hope the day comes soon when, as Sandra Bullock put it in her acceptance speech, all parents tell their children "that there’s no race, no religion, no class system, no color, nothing, no sexual orientation that makes us better than anyone else. We are all deserving of love." I wish we could all see that a house divided can never stand. I wish we could see that one voice in a sea of many, all chanting different versions of "Give me Liberty or Give me Death," makes it so no one is heard.

We all want to be heard and we all want to be accepted. So why can't we do it together?

Update

It's been a really long time since I've posted. I hope no one was worrying, it's just been a very hard time.

Things have been stressful as Sweetie is not enjoying work. It's boring and tedious. We went on vacation to celebrate our anniversary and at times, all Sweetie could thing of was how horrible it was going to be to go back to work. Sweetie has been getting closing shifts after being with the company for 12+ years and is sick of it. So now we're looking for a new job for Sweetie, but the economy blows!

On top of that, we've been looking since January and nope, no house for us. Totally blows.

The day after Thanksgiving, Sweetie's dad died.

The Wednesday after Thanksgiving, my Bubbie died.

So it's totally sucked. Massively. I can't even begin to describe it.

Our friends and family have been amazing through it all. We are so fortunate to have them in our lives.

We are looking forward to the beginning of a new year where hopefully, wonderful things reside.

Communication is so very much needed

The George Tiller atrocity has hit so many bloggers so deep. The pain is so fresh, so new. He was shot in front of his wife and daughter in church. It doesn't get much worse than that.

And yes, this is not a new phenomena. It's been happening for years. But don't you think, in a time like this, with an African-American president, an attempt at middle east peace and an advancement in alternative energy sources, we should try to make the best of the situation? Yes, it was a horrible event. My heart absolutely bleeds for his family. Yes, I think the killer should be put to death (I'm a fan of capitol punishment. Death on both ends of the spectrum. I'm very consistent). But I also think this could open up lines of communication.

I mentioned this story to my Conservative, Republican, pro-life coworker (believe it or not, we get along rather well). I didn't even finish getting the words out of my mouth when he said "that's not pro-life. How can you be pro-life and murder someone?" I am so thankful for people like that, who can see that this idea makes no sense.

He mentioned that now all the pro-choice people will label pro-lifers as such and that there was a severe lack of communication. And I think it's true. For years, growing up, I understood pro-life in the following manner (kudos to those of you who know where this is from):

"Pro-life. Pro-life. These people aren't pro-life, they're killing doctors! What kinda pro-life is that? What, they'll do anything they can to save a fetus, but if it grows up to be a doctor they just might have to kill it? They're not pro-life. You know what they are? They're anti-woman. Simple as it gets: anti-woman...They believe a woman's primary role is to function as a brood-mare for the state. Pro-life. You don't see any of these white, anti-abortion women volunteering to have any black fetuses transplanted into their uteruses, do you? No, you don't see 'em adopting a whole lotta crack babies, do you? No, that might be something Christ would do."

And guess what? Not all pro-lifers are like that. But I had no idea! And I was not raised as a radical pro-choicer. I wasn't even raised as a pro-choicer. I made the decision on my own. But again, the lack of communication is immense.

Neither side will sit down with the other and find common ground. So many pro-lifers think that pro-choicers want every woman to have an abortion. And that's not true! So many pro-choicers think that pro-lifers don't care about anything except preserving their way of life, and anyone else who gets in their way be damned. And that's not true either!

It seems that we will not be able to have the more perfect union that we had dreamed of. When each side is too stubborn, too set in their ways and too hateful of the other side to even begin to be able to talk, we have a problem. The American Dream has always been to be able to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, to have a large sense of patriotism and to feel like this is one big melting pot. Unfortunately, none of these seem possible anymore.

Oh sure, there are those lucky families who come to America with $1.70 in their pockets and 50 years later, they are doing well enough to travel 5 times a year. But unfortunately, not everyone is as motivating.

And yes, there are those who have a large sense of patriotism. But unfortunately, those who feel patriotic usually attack those who might not feel as patriotic. And as one of those who has felt the attack, from my perspective, it seems as though the patriotism has become part of the Republican definition. When Bush was in office and Barak Obama was running, the tabloids, newspapers and news stations had a FIELD DAY when Michelle Obama said she was "finally proud of her country" or something like that. They went after her, saying how could she expect her husband to get elected if she's not patriotic. This led to, or was part of, I cannot remember, the whole American flag pin fiasco which in and of itself was ridiculous.

As to the melting pot. There are so many people in this country who feel like it is their duty to tell others to "go back to where they came from." And some people who get this treatment have been here for years and years.

The hand out generation is coming into play in the world spectrum. And I'm really worried of what it will do to our reputation. Yes, our reputation is in the process of being repaired, but can you imagine a Secretary of State who throws a temper tantrum because they get a dirty spoon at a State Dinner? That is my ultimate fear.

In any case, I guess this turned into a lot different of a post than what it started as. Talk to people. Open lines of communication. Even with people who you don't think would EVER want to listen to you. It's good to get other ideas. You might even expand your own thoughts.

Mister Rogers

One of the obituaries for Walt Disney said something to the effect of now that Walt is gone, the world is less happy. Sweetie has always felt this to be true, pointing out how after Walt passed away, the world got deeper into the cold war and there were more divisions than we had ever seen before.

I found what is below posted here and thought I would share it. When this man left, the world was less kind, less accepting and less honest.

15 Reasons Mister Roger was the Best Neighbor Ever

1. Even Koko the Gorilla loved him
Most people have heard of Koko, the Stanford-educated gorilla who could speak about 1000 words in American Sign Language, and understand about 2000 in English. What most people don’t know, however, is that Koko was an avid Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood fan. As Esquire reported, when Fred Rogers took a trip out to meet Koko for his show, not only did she immediately wrap her arms around him and embrace him, she did what she’d always seen him do onscreen: she proceeded to take his shoes off!

2. He Made Thieves Think Twice
According to a TV Guide piece on him, Fred Rogers drove a plain old Impala for years. One day, however, the car was stolen from the street near the TV station. When Rogers filed a police report, the story was picked up by every newspaper, radio and media outlet around town. Amazingly, within 48 hours the car was left in the exact spot where it was taken from, with an apology on the dashboard. It read, “If we’d known it was yours, we never would have taken it.”

3. He Watched His Figure to the Pound!
In covering Rogers’ daily routine (waking up at 5; praying for a few hours for all of his friends and family; studying; writing, making calls and reaching out to every fan who took the time to write him; going for a morning swim; getting on a scale; then really starting his day), writer Tom Junod explained that Mr. Rogers weighed in at exactly 143 pounds every day for the last 30 years of his life. He didn’t smoke, didn’t drink, didn’t eat the flesh of any animals, and was extremely disciplined in his daily routine. And while I’m not sure if any of that was because he’d mostly grown up a chubby, single child, Junod points out that Rogers found beauty in the number 143. According to the piece, Rogers came “to see that number as a gift… because, as he says, “the number 143 means ‘I love you.’ It takes one letter to say ‘I’ and four letters to say ‘love’ and three letters to say ‘you.’ One hundred and forty-three.”

4. He Saved Both Public Television and the VCR
Strange but true. When the government wanted to cut Public Television funds in 1969, the relatively unknown Mister Rogers went to Washington. Almost straight out of a Capra film, his 5-6 minute testimony on how TV had the potential to give kids hope and create more productive citizens was so simple but passionate that even the most gruff politicians were charmed. While the budget should have been cut, the funding instead jumped from $9 to $22 million. Rogers also spoke to Congress, and swayed senators into voting to allow VCR’s to record television shows from the home. It was a cantankerous debate at the time, but his argument was that recording a program like his allowed working parents to sit down with their children and watch shows as a family.

5. He Might Have Been the Most Tolerant American Ever
Mister Rogers seems to have been almost exactly the same off-screen as he was onscreen. As an ordained Presbyterian minister, and a man of tremendous faith, Mister Rogers preached tolerance first. Whenever he was asked to castigate non-Christians or gays for their differing beliefs, he would instead face them and say, with sincerity, “God loves you just the way you are.” Often this provoked ire from fundamentalists.

6. He Was Genuinely Curious about Others
Mister Rogers was known as one of the toughest interviews because he’d often befriend reporters, asking them tons of questions, taking pictures of them, compiling an album for them at the end of their time together, and calling them after to check in on them and hear about their families. He wasn’t concerned with himself, and genuinely loved hearing the life stories of others. Amazingly, it wasn’t just with reporters. Once, on a fancy trip up to a PBS exec’s house, he heard the limo driver was going to wait outside for 2 hours, so he insisted the driver come in and join them (which flustered the host). On the way back, Rogers sat up front, and when he learned that they were passing the driver’s home on the way, he asked if they could stop in to meet his family. According to the driver, it was one of the best nights of his life—the house supposedly lit up when Rogers arrived, and he played jazz piano and bantered with them late into the night. Further, like with the reporters, Rogers sent him notes and kept in touch with the driver for the rest of his life.

7. He was Color-blind
Literally. He couldn’t see the color blue. Of course, he was also figuratively color-blind, as you probably guessed. As were his parents who took in a black foster child when Rogers was growing up.

8. He Could Make a Subway Car full of Strangers Sing
Once while rushing to a New York meeting, there were no cabs available, so Rogers and one of his colleagues hopped on the subway. Esquire reported that the car was filled with people, and they assumed they wouldn’t be noticed. But when the crowd spotted Rogers, they all simultaneously burst into song, chanting “It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood.” The result made Rogers smile wide.

A few other things:
9. He got into TV because he hated TV. The first time he turned one on, he saw people angrily throwing pies in each other’s faces. He immediately vowed to use the medium for better than that. Over the years he covered topics as varied as why kids shouldn’t be scared of a haircut, or the bathroom drain (because you won’t fit!), to divorce and war.

10. He was an Ivy League Dropout. Rogers moved from Dartmouth to Rollins College to pursue his studies in music.

11. He composed all the songs on the show, and over 200 tunes.

12. He was a perfectionist, and disliked ad libbing. He felt he owed it to children to make sure every word on his show was thought out.

13. Michael Keaton got his start on the show as an assistant– helping puppeteer and operate the trolley.

14. Several characters on the show are named for his family. Queen Sara is named after Rogers’ wife, and the postman Mr. McFeely is named for his maternal grandfather who always talked to him like an adult, and reminded young Fred that he made every day special just by being himself. Sound familiar? It was the same way Mister Rogers closed every show.

15. The sweaters. Every one of the cardigans he wore on the show had been hand-knit by his mother.

I hope we all have learned enough from Mister Rogers to teach our children the wonderful virtues that he passed along.

George Carlin

I hope this causes us all to think, although I think the people who read (or at least have ever commented) here would agree with all facets of this. And probably all the people they know would agree as well, so I'm not sure how to get it to those who wouldn't agree, to make them think more, love more, accept more.

GEORGE CARLIN (His wife recently died...and George followed her, dying July 2008)

A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, ' I love you ' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don't send this to at least 8 people.....Who cares?

George Carlin

The dark side of Dubai

What an amazing article. The comments are what you'd expect, but the article is amazing, depressing and humanizing.